Single moms and married moms have to compete for many things but who is a better mom is not one.
I have been a happily married woman for 25 years. I have been a happily parenting mother for 19 years. I think the best way for me to be a parent in my home is to raise my children is in a home with two loving, happily married parents. Before getting upset, and starting a social media campaign, re-read that sentence. I am talking about a specific set of facts:
- my parenting
- my home
- my children
I fully acknowledge that single mothers whether they are single by choice or circumstance are making the best parenting choices they can for themselves, for their children and in their homes. I don’t question their choice or circumstance and I do not question their commitment to be the best mothers they can be for their children. I do say that merely being a single mother does not make you a better mother than I simply because I am married and have a loving, caring, spouse in my home.
Some people argue that it is harder to be a single mother because single mothers must be mothers and fathers. I reject that premise. A single mother may have to do more things because there is no one else in the home to help with parenting duties, whatever they may be. However, a mother, even a single mother, is not a father. As a married mother, my parenting decisions indeed my life must always take into account the thoughts, ideas, opinions and desires of my husband. This means decisions are not unilateral, but often the result if consensus building and compromise. So while it is true that it is hard to be the only one available to make the decisions, it is also hard to have to make decisions that a spouse will agree with and support.
Being a mother is hard. It doesn’t matter if you are a single mother, or a married mother, being a mother is hard work. That fact does not seem to be debatable. The debate over who does a better job single mothers or married mothers seems like an argument created to cause disengagement and discord rather than something productive. Instead of debating who does a better job, wouldn’t it be better if all mothers spent that time taking a long, luxurious bubble bath and reading a good book?
1 2
I agree that being a mother is hard period. I’m married, and because my husband’s work hours are crazy, there are times when I’m doing everything alone.
I am honored that you found something in my words worth sharing with a friend! That is indeed high praise and a treasured compliment.
You are correct. We should stop worrying about what others think and stop telling others what to do merely because we do things differently.
The world will be a better place when we don’t feel the need to tear down another person and instead use that energy to make life better at home.
I really love your post, We all want whats best for our family we are all working hard to be the best mother to our family. i’m gonna tell this to my sister
You bring up many good points that I often fail to think about when it comes to motherhood. I need to share this with a friend of mine.
I think being a mother is determining what is best for your family, your situation and your beliefs. We all should stop the judging. It’s not beneficial to anyone. Stand up for yourself and your family and stop worrying about what others think.
The mommy wars. Just frustrating that we women have to tear each other down. Somethign I am working hard at not doing or be involved in any more.
Yes! We may all do it a little differently, but we are all trying to do it well. What I do works wonderfully in my home, with my family, but may be a disaster for other families. Motherhood is custom made and there is no one size fits every family.
Yes, we are all working hard to be the best moms we can no matter what our marital status. There just seems to be something a little unsavory about calling motherhood a hustle.
I’m glad you shared this! I’m not a mother but I know my mom does ALOT. It is always hurtful to me as a woman to see other women talk about other mothers who work or don’t work or don’t necessarily parent the way they would want them to. Most mothers are doing the best that they can and do a darn good job of doing so.
I agree, we are not in a competition here. We all work hard and we all have a variety of things happening in our life, good and bad, that we are dealing with…regardless of our marital status. I also don’t like the work hustle. I have never ever thought of that word when I needed to describe my day as a working mother.
Exactly!
We are all doing the best we can. We definitely work hard!