Fears that talking positively and not negatively about and to children will give them a big head or a false sense of pride should be set aside. Even if these fears have a basis in reality and are a distinct possibility, they should be set aside in favor of speaking positively about and to children. When children grow up without parents who talk about them and to them in positive rather than negative terms those children do not have faith and confidence that their parents will advocate for them. If children do not have faith and belief that their parents will advocate for them, they do not fully believe their parents will support them, fight for them and care for them as much as should be done. It is best to speak positively about and to children because it gives them a sense of parental love and support.
How do I respond to parents who say not speaking about or to their children in positive terms will make their children work harder? I respond that childhood is hard enough, why make it even harder for your children to grow up with a good sense of self and confidence in themselves, your love and your support. While it may be good to make children work hard for their own success, we should never make them work hard for our love, support and kind words. Those are all things that children are entitled to receive merely for being born and for being our children. If you want to be a successful advocate for your children, you must talk about them and to them in positive terms and you must let your children know you do it.
Some parents do not talk about and to their children in positive terms because they do not believe their children deserve that kind of treatment. These parents may think their children are unattractive, stupid or untalented. These parents may think their children have bad behavior. When parents have children who are not attractive, not smart and not very talented they should still talk about their children and to their children in positive terms. When parents have children that have bad behavior and do not get along with their parents, the parents still must speak in positive and negative terms about their children. There is no child that does not deserve good words spoken about her. Perhaps, if you think your child is not worthy of being talked about or talked to in a positive rather than negative manner, you should work even harder to find a way to talk positively about and to your child, because that child needs it more than other children.
Never forget that anyone can be a great advocate for their children. Stay tuned for the next article in the How to Advocate for Your Children series: Support Your Children.