I am the mother of among others, five-year-old twin girls. I love my little sweeties and they are truly a delight to behold. My only question is, why can’t they be delightful without covering me in baby toes each morning. “Get off me, it is too hot for that mess.”  I think I say those words every morning. Each morning I wake up with twenty little toes poking me somewhere. There are toes in my stomach, my back, my face my thighs. One day last week I could not breathe because of stinky feet in my face and a little toe in my nose.
My husband awakes to, “Get off me, it’s too hot for that.” I would love to be able to have him wake up to, “Good morning lover, how did you sleep.” But alas, the twins do not cooperate. Something must be done.

Yesterday afternoon, my husband was feeling flirty and so he patted me on the bootie when I walked by him in the living room. Last night, my nine year old son told my husband that it was child abuse to see his father pat his mother’s bootie.  What the heck?  None of my children and there are four of them have ever walked in and seen their father and I in “one of those moments.” They have not even come close. But this boy, my son, my son, my golden one is calling me out over a pat on the bootie? It is too hot for that mess.

It gets better, after my son, (an hour past his bed time) started explaining to my husband that he should only flirt with his wife after all the children are asleep, the twins starting singing, “I am being abused, I am being abused.” I am a nut, so I asked them how they were being abused. They responded, “P*** told us Daddy touched your butt.” It is too hot for that mess.

I have rambled quite a bit in this post, but to sum everything up, it is too hot for stinky twin feet and blocking children.  But, husband it is not too late for the bootie patting.

This post was inspired by the prompt  “It is too hot for . . . ”  from Rachee Fagg of “Say it Rachee.”