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Categories: Procrastination

Solve the Problem In Your Own Time – Don’t Rush It


It is terrific to learn that life will get better even though it may take time. The modern world in which we live often moves quickly from one event to the next. However, some of the most important things in life have to be lived, dealt with, and handled slowly, carefully, and cannot be rushed. I have learned over the course of time that when a big problem or bad situation happens there are several steps that I go through:

  • the problem occurs
  • have a reaction to the problem
  • hypothesize solutions to the problem
  • solve the problem
  • move past the problem

In my life, there is no set time period for me to remain at each step. Depending upon the severity of the problem any one of the steps may last a longer period of time than the others. For example, if I drop a plate on the floor I can go through the whole process in mere seconds. When I am dealing with cases of sibling rivalry between my children it may take hours to get through the whole process.

Further, when a major life-altering problem occurs, it may take months or years to move from start to end in the process. For me, the process takes what the process takes. However, I have learned that no matter how big or important the problem and consequences, people want you to hurry up and get over it.

I have had some interesting reactions from people as a result of a recent personal tragedy:

  • You and your children were in a hit and run accident, ok you are still alive, move on
  • You witnessed your children laying in the street injured and potentially permanently injured, ok, keep going
  • Your child is injured and will have a long recovery ahead, ok get over it
  • You are receiving insurmountable medical bills you cannot pay, it’s ok, don’t worry about it
  • You just experienced the worst day of your life, ok move past it

Let me just say, I don’t like these reactions. The people who have given them to me will not be troubled by hearing my full and honest answers to their questions about the incident again. I have a new response for them, ” things are going as expected.” This response is honest and it gives the questioner sufficient information to allow her to move on as she desires.

Take time and handle tragedy in your own time.

I am not advocating that one wallow in a problem forever. Nor am I advising people to remain in the moment of the tragedy forever. If a major problem occurs, go through the process I listed above. It will help you move immediately from experiencing the problem to moving past the problem in a focused organized manner.

I am advising that you take the time you need to go from one step to the next. Do not rush to heal or get over it in order to meet the schedules or expectations of those around you. Proper healing happens when it happens, it cannot be rushed along without a care for the person involved. If as you go from one step in the problem process to the next, if you find that you are having a difficult time or that moving forward is taking longer than you feel comfortable with experiencing, seek professional assistance.

Additionally, I am advising those who come in contact with a person dealing with a problem to stop telling the person to get over it. Stop advising a person trying to resolve a problem to just be done with it all. The process takes, what the process takes. It is wrong for you to expect a person dealing with a major problem to go from experiencing the problem to putting the problem behind her in a matter of just a few days. If you are sick of hearing about it, be compassionate, change the subject, get off the phone or make up a busy project to avoid hearing about it more than you feel is appropriate. In this situation, be kind rather than being expedient

In conclusion, it is terrific to learn that life will get better one day. So hang in there take your time. So, the question for you today is, are you pushing people to hurry up and get over it?

Janeane Davis

View Comments

  • That's right, Janeane. It takes time, and everyone is different. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and giving yourself as much time as it takes to heal after this terrible event.

  • This is a great reminder. I try not to rush things but this is SUCH a great reminder.

  • Very good article! I always tell the story of when I had a stroke at age 33, and it starts with: "one year later, I found myself in a restaurant in Vermont, looking in the mirror and amazed how awesome it was to be alive. I thanked God right then!" That's because it took a YEAR to crystalize everything, accept, understand, and move past the incident, and I had ZERO lasting effects from my stroke. You do need time to process and move on.

    • I am happy to hear your story, to learn of your recovery! I am taking my time and experiencing the steps along the way.

  • I am one of those people that takes a while to move past things or to move towards a big change. Some people can just adjust quickly, others take longer. While I may not be as speedy as some, I know when I do get to my place of healing that I am truly healed. Thank you for this post. I continue to pray for your girls and am so glad they are both home!

    • Thank you for praying for our family. My reactions vary on the situation and I am learning to be comfortable with that fact.

  • That's advice I always give also, "we can't control life, but we can control our reactions to what happens in life." Sometimes a slow reaction to a problem that needs to be solved is the best way to go.

    • I like knowing I can control my reaction because so much of life is beyond my control. It is nice to be able to pick my reaction pace. I am learning to do that better each day.

  • I personally don't rush people or myself. I teach my kids this when it comes to them or anything they may be involved in...you have a choice on how to react, you can get upset and go crazy which does nothing but possible make something worse. OR you can say to yourself, in that moment...what can I do to affect or chnage this and take it from there. Prayers to you for your strength and your daughters full recovery.

    • Thank you for your prayers! I try to teach my kids the same lesson you are teaching yours. I can do something in this moment to make my life better. Yesterday is done and who knows what tomorrow brings, but I can control right now I can take this moment and make it mine in my own way.

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Janeane Davis

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